I feel this pain.
Of the clock ticking,
Of being still.
Of not moving.
Questioning if there's no right time,
If it is even worth a dime, to worry.
Sensing the subtleties of hurry.
Meanwhile, I breathe.
In a body that keeps healing,
In a mind that could be aching,
And still, it chose peace.
To trust in the unknown,
without a second thought,
Even walking alone,
Like a flame for a moth.
Between desire and listening to the wind,
With the directions unclear within.
Even with a vision that lingers,
Of places far away,
In my eyes a quite ache,
Of being lost, trying to find back it's way.
Learning to navigate them is also wise.
And I don't mean not feeling,
because it's part of being alive,
Having conflicting emotions,
A dizziness that makes moving forward very difficult,
A pain, all that weight that's invisible.
Where learning to simplify and
Moving on is part of the challenge.
And for a moment, to breathe again.
Because every problem has a solution,
And if it doesn't, that's a fact, life goes on.
Finding light in the abyss,
As the greatest task of the day,
And even if it's sometimes blind,
Taking a step, just one.
Not everything falls into place as the mind would like,
But rather according to a divine plan that sometimes we don't understand.
Choosing to observe; loving the process in peace.
As a vital and daily practice.
Remembering something to be grateful for,
And surrendering the rest to a higher power.
It terrifies and excites me at the same time,
Everything I don't know,
Everything yet to be discovered.
Searching for the right way forward,
Learning to walk without seeing,
Because the path is only understood in reverse.
Making peace with the gap,
Between the now and desire,
Between what I'm avoiding,
And what I can do to improve.
How a simple question opens doors,
So many that sometimes the wind slips in,
Like the echo of time's passage,
Between making peace with the now,
And also living without so much delay.
Between expression and doubt.
Between exploration and sanity.
Between living or being prey to one's own doubt.
Everything changes, whether we want it to or not.
Time passes without caring about your clock.
Where fear is greatest,
Is where we must act.
With chills running through my body sometimes,
With all the unknowns in my chest,
But never, never,
Never choose "I wish I had."
It might go wrong, not be perfect,
It's always better to choose "I'll try."
I used to melt down when I got sick,
Today I face the discomfort with open arms,
Taking forward action to better my health,
Knowing it will pass and embracing all emotions.
Through sickness with faith it becomes clearer,
Even when the overactive mind wants control,
Facing surrender as a form of healing.
When inner peace is more productive than tasks.
Even laughing at this pain,
With my eyes red due to fever,
The body aches of chills.
Accepting the sensations as a purge,
Loving myself in this midst of hardship.
Sitting with myself as the kindest doctor; love.
My beloved,
I know time pases as snow,
Slowly growing into their own,
Come closer as forward to go,
For another reason to glow.
Nature fades and renews itself,
You're the one who must care,
For the path that is rare,
And therefore it's gonna melt.
Sitting with the light in my pupils,
On the avenue of contradiction,
Eager to get going,
Slowed down by medication.
I imagine cylinders in my mind,
Wanting to fit together to function,
Searching for a coherent thought,
That will finally allow me to move forward.
Writing freely what dances around here,
And then a jumble of avalanche ideas,
Falling into an inaccurate trajectory,
Due to the crossing of high neurons.
A map, a path, where is it, I ask,
Among notes, my love, and some attached files.
Starting again with this journey,
With the calm and patience that a friend would have,
This practice being part of my destiny,
To take flight again after falling,
To embrace that uncertainty without it becoming rotten.
With slow abilities that are not comforting,
But rather a twinge in the navel,
A headache for everything distracting,
Missing my beloved brain.
Then, as the sun had risen, I stopped.
With the smile of a long friend awaiting,
Making this morning a lasting breathe,
Feeling the wind while eating.
Also, a call, reminding me who I am,
May seem small but that hope last the whole day.
Questioning how dark times blur the vision,
As something lost in the horizon,
How a tiny act of remembrance can change the view.
Thankful for that talk,
For the hug that's to come,
For the friends coming after being long gone,
And everything in between.
When the step is rising higher,
And there's no room to quit,
When your health is a battle,
Another day you must resist.
The dark wave of physical pain,
The discomfort running in your veins,
The sensations inside your head,
Looking beyond that disspear,
To the light within that's calling,
For all the times you healed
Without seeing it coming
Remember the strength inside
For above this phase there's a present,
Don't let yourself be dragged
The pressure you're feeling won't last
And now four months have passed
The tinkling in my head is harsh
Any time I try to think it blasted
The strong meds no one should met
When a real hug is all you need to get
In the midst of a sudden light
I walk, and then I will rise
Entertaining the window of maybe
whre the echoes greet the days
of an atypical windfall of faith.
