I feel this pain.
Of the clock ticking,
Of being still.
Of not moving.
Questioning if there's no right time,
If it is even worth a dime, to worry.
Sensing the subtleties of hurry.
Meanwhile, I breathe.
In a body that keeps healing,
In a mind that could be aching,
And still, it chose peace.
To trust in the unknown,
without a second thought,
Even walking alone,
Like a flame for a moth.
Between desire and listening to the wind,
With the directions unclear within.
Even with a vision that lingers,
Of places far away,
In my eyes a quite ache,
Of being lost, trying to find back it's way.
Learning to navigate them is also wise.
And I don't mean not feeling,
because it's part of being alive,
Having conflicting emotions,
A dizziness that makes moving forward very difficult,
A pain, all that weight that's invisible.
Where learning to simplify and
Moving on is part of the challenge.
And for a moment, to breathe again.
Because every problem has a solution,
And if it doesn't, that's a fact, life goes on.
Finding light in the abyss,
As the greatest task of the day,
And even if it's sometimes blind,
Taking a step, just one.
Not everything falls into place as the mind would like,
But rather according to a divine plan that sometimes we don't understand.
Choosing to observe; loving the process in peace.
As a vital and daily practice.
Remembering something to be grateful for,
And surrendering the rest to a higher power.
It terrifies and excites me at the same time,
Everything I don't know,
Everything yet to be discovered.
Searching for the right way forward,
Learning to walk without seeing,
Because the path is only understood in reverse.
Making peace with the gap,
Between the now and desire,
Between what I'm avoiding,
And what I can do to improve.
How a simple question opens doors,
So many that sometimes the wind slips in,
Like the echo of time's passage,
Between making peace with the now,
And also living without so much delay.
Between expression and doubt.
Between exploration and sanity.
Between living or being prey to one's own doubt.
Everything changes, whether we want it to or not.
Time passes without caring about your clock.
Where fear is greatest,
Is where we must act.
With chills running through my body sometimes,
With all the unknowns in my chest,
But never, never,
Never choose "I wish I had."
It might go wrong, not be perfect,
It's always better to choose "I'll try."
I used to melt down when I got sick,
Today I face the discomfort with open arms,
Taking forward action to better my health,
Knowing it will pass and embracing all emotions.
Through sickness with faith it becomes clearer,
Even when the overactive mind wants control,
Facing surrender as a form of healing.
When inner peace is more productive than tasks.
Even laughing at this pain,
With my eyes red due to fever,
The body aches of chills.
Accepting the sensations as a purge,
Loving myself in this midst of hardship.
Sitting with myself as the kindest doctor; love.
